Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
