If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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