the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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