I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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