I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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