we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
