i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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