I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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