this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
