I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
