Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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