i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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