At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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