The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
