I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
