just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
3pm strippers are depressing
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
