If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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