Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
