At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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