so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
