I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
