It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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