i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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