Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
