am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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