my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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