Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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