hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
