Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
