its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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