Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
