is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
