i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
