Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
