i already hear my dad disowning me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
