I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
