My nipple is on Facebook.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
