my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Drake has all the answers
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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