he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
