is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
