I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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