Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
