I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
