Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
