I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
