So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
