tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
