just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
