Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
