Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
