So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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