So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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