I think my fart just growled at me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
