i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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