If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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