what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
