Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
