I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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