i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
